Mother’s Decision and Istikhara

Q: A son does istikhara and gets a positive answer or a good feeling, but his mother does not follow the answer but does what she feels right. Is it a gunna (sin) committed by the mother and will that decision made by the mother backfire as Allah’s decision was ignored?

A: If the mother has good, Islamic reasons to be unhappy with the girl and thus refuses permission for her son to marry, then she will not get a gunah or sin, because then it means that the son has misunderstood his istikhara or that the son was in communication with the girl thus rendering the istikhara ineffective. So the mother is not rejecting the Decision of Allah.

But if the mother has worldly or non-Islamic reasons for her disapproval then she should follow the son’s istikhara.

But again, please note, if the son is involved in intimate and close relations with the girl, then the istikhara is not valid because it means that his heart is already settled on this girl, so he does not get a proper reflection of the istikhaara. Any positive feeling he gets will not be due to the istikhaara, but because of his love for the girl. Istikhaara must be done when the feelings in the heart are neutral, not inclined to one side or the other.

When a person already loves a girl, there is no question of making istikhaara.

And Allah Ta’ala knows best

Mufti Siraj Desai